i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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