well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
