I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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