i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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