I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
