time to smoke my breakfast
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just had sex on a roof
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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