I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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