In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
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