Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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