I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
