Her vagina should come with caution tape.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
