I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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