If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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