your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
