What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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