ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
