i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
