She's JV to your varsity
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
