Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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