i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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