The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
