Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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