if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
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There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
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That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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