Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
