why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
