would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
