I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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