Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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