And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
