your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
