I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
