Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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