Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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