I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
