He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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