what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
