then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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