i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
