haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
