why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
