He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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