from now on my penis is your penis
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
