my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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