Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
