i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
