why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
