Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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