apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
