I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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