I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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