Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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