I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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