O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
