hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
