I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
