I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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