he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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