So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize