Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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