So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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