hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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