I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
