I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
