I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Plan B is the new Plan A
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
