Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
