Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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