The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Even my vagina gasped.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
