I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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