sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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