mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
