This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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