so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
