it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
