My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
