It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
