oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
