a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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