I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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