Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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