my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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