and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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