Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
