We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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