I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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