Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
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I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
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Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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