In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I have demons in me.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Randomize
