Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
