It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
