Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If I die, sorry about rent.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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