why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
