I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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